what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
there is puke in my bra ... again
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
