i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Found the puke drawer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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