Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
