My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
