I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
