I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have fence marks all over my body
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
