My liver just broke up with me...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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