My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
