My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
