I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
