You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
