i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
