One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
