Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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