I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
