Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
