dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
