In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
