I want to stick my p in your. b.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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