you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
