just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I would ride that face into the sunset
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