You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
