Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
