So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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