my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
