I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
