Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
