Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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