He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
