Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
