as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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