I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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