Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i think i have herpe
just one?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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