I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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