I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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