am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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