Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
