I just gift wrapped bread.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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