i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
