So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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