Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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