i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
