It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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