you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
