meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
false alarm. still invincible.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
