Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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