3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
