So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
