why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
