Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
