once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
